Direct eye contact
A prolonged stare intended to overwrite your memory of breakfast.
Rapid triage
Answer the doctor.
This examination is scientifically designed to prevent a healthy cat from receiving three breakfasts through persuasive acting.
QUESTION 01 / 01
Did food actually enter the bowl?
CURRENT CLINICAL OPINION
Awaiting testimony.
The doctor is maintaining eye contact until an answer is provided.
UNDER REVIEWCommon symptoms
Classic bowl fraud.
The patient may appear weak, abandoned, and minutes from collapse. Check the evidence before responding emotionally.
Emergency singing
Unusual vocal testimony delivered beside a visibly used bowl.
Caregiver shopping
Asking each household member separately until someone breaks.
Doctor's orders
The treatment plan.
Apply three small interventions daily. Repeat indefinitely, because the patient will absolutely try again tomorrow.
Feed the cat.
Appropriate food. Appropriate portion. Despite the allegations, this part probably already happens.
Leave a receipt.
Log what, when, and which cat. Two seconds now prevents a kitchen interrogation later.
Trust the chart.
When the performance begins, consult the record—not the actor.
— Dr. Pupa, MD (Meals Department)
Final diagnosis
The cat ate.
The case is closed.
Until approximately six minutes from now, when new evidence of “starvation” will emerge.